Leaving Egypt!

Numbers 14: 1-4 That night all the members of the community raised their voices and wept aloud. 2 All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, “If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this wilderness! 3 Why is the Lord bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn’t it be better for us to go back to Egypt?” 4 And they said to each other, “We should choose a leader and go back to Egypt.”

I have been feeling just like the Israelites lately.

God brought me out of my past to walk with him in freedom. Freedom from pain and destruction. He has healed me in so many ways and each time I am stronger and even more free from the bondage I was in, from the oppression in my life.

Now He is bringing me into a new season of healing, a season I have been wanting for a couple years and now that it’s here, I struggle with wanting to run back to my old comfort, the very things he took me out of.

I spoke in front of my Church this past Sunday and told them how I feel like the Israelites, part of me just wants to run back. I know though I never could fully go back, it’s not the same anymore, the things I know now have changed that. I could never find the satisfaction or numbing that I once found.

I am stuck in the desert, not wanting to move forward and not being able to move back. How long will I be here? I guess that is up to me and my willingness to walk forward with the Lord.

My boss shared this song with me a few weeks ago, before I knew any of this, so maybe it was God letting me know that He knew I would be here and that He is still with me, waiting patiently.



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I was delivered again!

Titus 2:3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.

So most of you know I was an alcoholic. God delivered me from some things immediately when I was born again, however drinking was not one of those things. I had gone a year without and hardly ever thought about it, but over the past year it crept back in. This time in the form of wine instead of hard liquor. It has been a daily struggle, like being tortured and imprisoned within myself.

I have screamed out to God asking what I am not understanding. His Spirit in within me, yet I do what I don’t want to do. 

He has brought me into a new round of healing something from my childhood, by joining a community group. Friday was the first group and we were given Scripture to read. Mine was the verse above. My body jolted when I read that, it’s like I was caught, like a little kid getting caught by their dad when doing something wrong. 

I knew God was telling me to stop. I got mad and asked Him how He expected me to stop now, when He was bringing me into the most intense healing I will probably ever experience. He told me that He wanted “all of me”, He wants to be my only comfort in this piece. 

Then my heart melted because the God of the universe, the creator of all we see wants to hold my hand and walk this healing with me. 

I woke up the next morning and felt like a close friend died. I was mourning the death of alcohol. Although it is still down the road, to me it’s like it died and no longer exists here.

I asked God if I am delivered or if I am just having a good couple days?

This morning in Church they let us come up and speak a psalm. I asked God what one I should read. I opened right up to Psalm 18 and walked up. As I read I cried and spoke with power, knowing He was telling me that I have been delivered.

Psalm 18:16-19 He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. 

For almost 4 years I have struggled in this battle, feeling like a failure and like I was wasting time, God’s time.

It took Him 1 verse to change all of it. It was in His time. There is no way anybody could make the mistake of thinking that I have done this myself. None of the past 4 years was a waste, it was God’s perfect timing. I persevered and endured, I ran this part of my race and will continue to. Nothing is wasted or without reason.

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Me, responsible?

Matthew 20 And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.’ 21 His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant.[c] You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’

I am feeling so much like that servant. I feel so blessed and like I am growing up. I am doing well in my new job and loving every aspect of it. 

I prayed to God to please help me to not mismanage His money and He answered by bringing a Christian sister to me to talk about financial planning. I met with her today and it is amazing, I am so excited to move forward in the small steps that I was given and to look forward to having life insurance for my daughter in the future, securing my retirement, and saving money. 

This is stuff that never crossed my mind before, now it’s a goal. I am creating a “financial portfolio” (: I am being blessed with more because I manage what God gives me properly, He is true to His Word. 

He is really making a new me. I am more disciplined and responsible in my life. I am allowing myself to have dreams and believe that they will happen. I am growing in so many areas in my life. I don’t think I can stand to be more happy. 

God showed me the other day, through a scary situation, that I am worth more than I thought, I deserve respect and honor. Now all the sudden I feel different, I am different.  

I am so glad I found Him and that He chose to turn my life around. 

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Just like it says in Scripture!

Matthew 24:7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 

As I was watching the news this morning they were talking about the paralyzing ice storm they had in Georgia, I believe. People are stranded in schools and in cars because it is so unusual for them to have this weather, they don’t know how to deal with it. 

Then, right after that they go to Washington, where a man says “It’s not so cold out here and we are preparing for the Super bowl”.

Matthew 24:37-39 As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark: and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away.

Every season for at least the past few years, there has been crazy weather happening. This Winter is no exception. I see this as a sign from God showing us that the end is near. 

Yet, there are so many who are so blind to it. Seeing on the news how they went from one topic to the next seemed so clear to me. People are just going on with their lives as usual, with no idea that the Lord is on His way. 

He is warning us, we just have to be open to seeing it. 



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So honored and blessed!

It’s been a while since I have blogged because I have been so busy adjusting to working again (:

As many of you know I was out of work for 2 years. In that whole 2 years I got one phone interview and one in person interview. I was getting frustrated and asking God why He wasn’t getting my resume through to anyone. 

When I first started looking, I asked God for a job in ministry or social work where I could talk about Him. The kicker was I don’t have a degree in anything. All those types of jobs were asking for one. I gave up on looking at those jobs after a while and started looking for anything. 

The day before my unemployment was up I received a call from a ministry, where I had volunteered for over a year, and was offered a job as a volunteer coordinator. I accepted of course and was in awe of God once again. 

The thing was I never freaked out. I knew God had a plan and I thought He told me that my job wasn’t available yet. It wasn’t ready because it didn’t exist yet. It came about out of no where. It was created just for me doing what I wanted to do. 

So I am working in a ministry, I talk about God everyday with everybody. I get to watch volunteers break out into prayer for each other when needed and I get to pray with clients and my bosses when ever I want. 

I get to watch God perform miracles for our clients everyday. All I have to do is be His hands and feet directing people where He wants them to be. I get to watch broken people come closer to believing in Him because of the selfless people who give of their time, so He can do what He wants through them. 

I am so honored that God let’s me be a part of this. That He trusts me with the broken hearts of so many that call us for help. 

The greatest part is that we don’t just help with material item’s but become a part of these people’s lives in so many other ways, to see them grow in their lives and out of their situations. 

We are simply here to join the body of Christ (the Church) together with the community around them, that need their Love and time.

How simple, yet so powerful.

I can’t believe that even though I go against Him so many times in my walk, He still thinks enough of me to bless me in these ways. 

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Are you losing your Salvation?

Ephesians 1:13-14 In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation–having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God’s own possession, to the praise of His glory.

Once again this Scripture comes up in Bible study and so many are saying “You can never lose your salvation” to others, making them feel cozy inside believing that no matter how they live their lives they will be in Heaven.

Isn’t that the way of man? Wanting to hear what makes them happy, what makes them feel good.

I have said before that I believe God has shown me in multiple verses that you can lose your salvation. I don’t say that I am positive and it is Truth, but I do give people something to think about and go to God with.

I have asked God to assure me and give me that confidence that others have about never losing salvation if it is true, and He still hasn’t. I get fired up when people give that guarantee. I start to shake inside and get angry, but it is righteous anger, I know.

I believe that the enemy has used this in the Churches in order to keep people far from God. Never having to worry or think about their walk with God because of their guarantee.

It says above you are sealed when you believe. One definition of seal is a die or signet having a raised emblem used to stamp or impression on a receptive substance. Reminds me of Revelation 22:4 They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads.

Seals can be broken though and the contents spilled out. God doesn’t say ” you are sealed and that seal can never be broken”.

It says in Matt 10:22 and Matt 24:13 that he who stands firm til the end will be saved, it doesn’t say “everyone who ever believed will be saved”.

Paul beat his body to obey the Lord, do you? Do you suffer and agonize over your sin everyday? Or do you go about like so many in the world participating in sexual activities or getting drunk? God says not to be part of this world. When we watch movies that contain these things and listen to music etc, we are desensitizing ourselves to His Word. We are becoming so used to it, that we don’t even remember it’s wrong.

Christians all over the world are being tortured and killed for Christ. What makes you think that won’t happen to us? It is coming and we have to endure or not be with our God. It says in Matt 24:10 At that time many will turn away from the faith. You can’t turn away from what you didn’t have in the first place, so He must be warning those with the Spirit.

In order to endure we have to be close to Him, so that the Spirit can help us stand firm. I have had so many times with God where I just want to fall to my knees and I cry because I am so overwhelmed by His presence around and inside of me. That is what we need to endure. 

A Pastor friend explained it this way one day. The Spirit will be your anesthetic, walking with God now strengthens you Spirit and that will determine how much anesthetic you have in order to endure. I want to be like Stephen who smiled up at God while he was being stoned to death. 

How can you endure and strengthen your Spirit if you have let yourself be convinced by what a person in a Church building says? You have then put your salvation in the hands of an imperfect man and you let yourself rest on the statement that you are sealed and guaranteed salvation, when it looks like God is warning otherwise? 

It’s just like people who say they are forgiven because they asked for it. Well, that isn’t true Acts 3:19 says repentance is asking forgiveness and turning back to God, in other words turning from your sin, not participating anymore. Are you at least beating your body over the sin you are trying to stop or are you just resting on the fact that Jesus died on the cross?

Revelations 22:15 Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood. 

Keep in mind this doesn’t say the ones who haven’t asked for forgiveness in these areas are outside, it says those who!!!!

So if you are a Christian who ignores that these things are wrong and participate in them, not even trying to turn from them, are you still sealed?

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