I am going to miss you so much.
I will always remember you, yet try to forget, what you did for me all these years. We have been together for 22 years, that’s a long time, and although I thought you loved me and took care of me, Jesus has shown me that you are toxic.
It is hard to think about something I loved for so long, being toxic, but it is true. You have only hurt me and those around me.
The smell of bonfires, summer and cooking will remind me of you. However, I choose to let those thoughts go and to replace them with the thoughts of someone who can truly love me and make me whole.
I will remember you when I hear the music that we danced to. However, I will replace that song with another one.
I thought you loved me, but I see different now.
I remember when I was only 16 and I couldn’t take it anymore, you came to me and said you would take care of me, you would never let me hurt again.
The thing is that you did let me hurt. Every moment that we weren’t together I hurt, and I couldn’t be with you every moment. Now I see that we have a codependent relationship. Even when we were together you led me into situations where I was abused by those who also trusted you.
My daughter was witness to this for so many years. But now she sees you for who you truly are. She still may put herself into situations where you could take over, but she knows that if you do it will hurt.
You made me have courage to be mean to people. Truth is good, but when it comes from you it is brutal.
I have to take this stand because I love one more than I do you. I have to remember how you have hurt me when I get weak. I have to remember how He has never hurt me.
I will miss how easy your comfort is, but His is forever.
He is faithful, He has made me strong and changed me. You only kept me the same, you never wanted me to grow, but only be dependent on you.
You have been jealous since the day I met Him. You and I have met less often and for a shorter time each time. You tried to win me back and it may have seemed you were winning but you are not.
I am giving you up. It will be a hard road, there will be a lot of grieving and replacing our memories but it will be worth it in the end. So enjoy this night because in the morning, I will be resurrected with him.
This is the life of an alcoholic. Imagine the most important addiction in your life. You wife or your children, that one thing that kept you going, and let them die.
This is my future for at least the next year. However, Jesus Christ has become a huge part of my life for the past 5 years and He is telling me that I have to let go completely. I respect Him and Love Him, so please pray for me.